Well how do you do?A kiss on the cheek
Ah It’s been a while
So I’ll just beg, borrow
And steal all your time
We’ll call it dignified
Well now it all seems to be cut and dried
So I know which way you run
You’re tired my love
I feel the same
31 May 2010
The Leather Lung Won't Speak My Name
Well how do you do?A kiss on the cheek
Ah It’s been a while
So I’ll just beg, borrow
And steal all your time
We’ll call it dignified
Well now it all seems to be cut and dried
So I know which way you run
You’re tired my love
I feel the same
30 May 2010
27 May 2010
Breakdown
I know I haven't posted in a while, but it's all because I haven't had the opportunity to breathe in the past couple of of days.
The terror is just beginning.
So I made the choice to take part in our play for the last year of my high school career. Then I got a job. I shouldn't have gotten a job, you say? Well shut the fuck up. Anyone who works retail or who has attempted job hunting at the beginning of the summer knows that landing a retail job is next to impossible at that time. They do their summer hiring in late April/early May.. that's just how it is. So don't tell me I'm making a bad choice since I made my commitment to drama first. I didn't know I'd get a job, but when you're not little Mr. Well-Off from the southwest end in Mississauga with a white picket fence, perfect lawn, and pool anymore and your parents go through a long and expensive divorce, then you can come talk to me about finding the finances to pay for university. People's situations change, and there's nothing I hate more than when people just assume that one you are a certain way, you stay that way. That shouldn't even define me. If anything it's made people think I'm snobby, and I hate that. I'm beyond thankful for what I have now, but the reality is that that's not quite enough for complete stability. I wasn't well-off, my parents were. And I can't sit my ass around while my parents work their asses off. I need my job. Things have changed. Please keep this in mind.
So tomorrow is prom and I can say I can't wait for all of tomorrow, that's the only good part to this story. But Saturday I'm ditching an optional play set decorating meeting for a Wasaga after party and Sunday I'm supposed to go to rehearsal 9-5 and Monday-Wednesday I'm supposed to stay at the school late rehearsing and Thursday-Saturday I finally perform.
To add to the mix, I have a calculus and data TEST on Tuesday, my English CPT essay all week that's on a book I'm barely a quarter way through, and a philosophy CPT essay due Friday.
Now, imagine how I felt, upon going to my work this afternoon to pick up my schedule for next week, to see that I'm working Sunday from 10 to potentially 4 and Wednesday from 3 to 7.
The two teacher directors are furious I've missed five other rehearsals for work. I was cast into two roles, one speaking (in which I use what appears to be a forced cockney accent) and one non-speaking role (which is way better since I get to throw humourous looks at people and provide comic relief). Their disappointment was brought to my attention Monday, I missed rehearsal for work again Wednesday, and today I found out I lost the non-speaking role.
So here I am, on the eve of my prom, stressing over whether I'm going to call in and say I can't come in for my shifts (meaning I basically outrage the managers and lose my job which I can confidently say I love), or infuriate the teacher directors and leave them to find an actor to learn my role in a week and have them hate me for the rest of their lives.
This always fucking happens to me. Everything happens during the same week, and if not, during the same day. All I know is that I can't take tests, CPT essays, work, and play all at once right now. As much as I respect our directors, play just isn't where my priorities are at right now, and I can't bare telling them I need to bail.
I can't wait for university to come. I just want a clean slate. I can't wait for people to look at me with no expectations and not just assume I'll say "yes" to anything so that they can take advantage of me.
The terror is just beginning.
So I made the choice to take part in our play for the last year of my high school career. Then I got a job. I shouldn't have gotten a job, you say? Well shut the fuck up. Anyone who works retail or who has attempted job hunting at the beginning of the summer knows that landing a retail job is next to impossible at that time. They do their summer hiring in late April/early May.. that's just how it is. So don't tell me I'm making a bad choice since I made my commitment to drama first. I didn't know I'd get a job, but when you're not little Mr. Well-Off from the southwest end in Mississauga with a white picket fence, perfect lawn, and pool anymore and your parents go through a long and expensive divorce, then you can come talk to me about finding the finances to pay for university. People's situations change, and there's nothing I hate more than when people just assume that one you are a certain way, you stay that way. That shouldn't even define me. If anything it's made people think I'm snobby, and I hate that. I'm beyond thankful for what I have now, but the reality is that that's not quite enough for complete stability. I wasn't well-off, my parents were. And I can't sit my ass around while my parents work their asses off. I need my job. Things have changed. Please keep this in mind.
So tomorrow is prom and I can say I can't wait for all of tomorrow, that's the only good part to this story. But Saturday I'm ditching an optional play set decorating meeting for a Wasaga after party and Sunday I'm supposed to go to rehearsal 9-5 and Monday-Wednesday I'm supposed to stay at the school late rehearsing and Thursday-Saturday I finally perform.
To add to the mix, I have a calculus and data TEST on Tuesday, my English CPT essay all week that's on a book I'm barely a quarter way through, and a philosophy CPT essay due Friday.
Now, imagine how I felt, upon going to my work this afternoon to pick up my schedule for next week, to see that I'm working Sunday from 10 to potentially 4 and Wednesday from 3 to 7.
The two teacher directors are furious I've missed five other rehearsals for work. I was cast into two roles, one speaking (in which I use what appears to be a forced cockney accent) and one non-speaking role (which is way better since I get to throw humourous looks at people and provide comic relief). Their disappointment was brought to my attention Monday, I missed rehearsal for work again Wednesday, and today I found out I lost the non-speaking role.
So here I am, on the eve of my prom, stressing over whether I'm going to call in and say I can't come in for my shifts (meaning I basically outrage the managers and lose my job which I can confidently say I love), or infuriate the teacher directors and leave them to find an actor to learn my role in a week and have them hate me for the rest of their lives.
This always fucking happens to me. Everything happens during the same week, and if not, during the same day. All I know is that I can't take tests, CPT essays, work, and play all at once right now. As much as I respect our directors, play just isn't where my priorities are at right now, and I can't bare telling them I need to bail.
I can't wait for university to come. I just want a clean slate. I can't wait for people to look at me with no expectations and not just assume I'll say "yes" to anything so that they can take advantage of me.
24 May 2010
HMFBD Best Friend
Sooo that chikita on the right the is my best friend Michelle Sousa. People always say that a guy and a girl can't be best friends, but honestly when you've known someone since you were an ovum and spent your whole childhood together, its possible. So we will continue to go out and about and have people tell us we'd make such a good couple and just take it as a compliment but know it won't happen. :) So excited to go to our cottages this summer, especially yours on Sauble Beeeeeach and spend time with hicks and tan and party and eat. And hopefully I can drag you to my grandparent's condo in Dominican. So excited to add on to the millions of memories we have and I'll love you forever and for alwayssssss. Happy Birthday.
22 May 2010
21 May 2010
Self-Fact #27
Even though my Dad and I have the same personalities, I'm quite the Mama's boy :) Here's a screenie taken by a friend while we were on Skype.
Pet Peeve #25
When people are impatient little bitches and set off their fireworks the few days BEFORE Victoria Day. Like you REALLY can't wait? Tryna have a skype convo here and all I hear is firecrackers.
19 May 2010
Speaking Words of Wisdom
You won't always remember what people say, but you'll always remember how they make you feel.
-English teacher
18 May 2010
Climax
I made one of the biggest decisions in my life today.
There's no going back now.
I'm only going to look forward and live life with no regrets.
This one was for me.
And it feels amazing.
There's no going back now.
I'm only going to look forward and live life with no regrets.
This one was for me.
And it feels amazing.
17 May 2010
16 May 2010
Grey
It's amazing the things you come to realize when you open up your philosophy textbook and do some reading. Especially when its applicable to one's own life. Check out my intro to my epistemology essay:
When one observes a solid entity of matter, they can apply their senses to determine the object’s physical properties. However, a challenge arises when a solid object is said to consist of an immaterial entity that cannot be quantitatively measured through rational methods. Such nonphysical characteristics are prevalent to the study of animals, particularly human beings. Therefore, any attempt to find certainty regarding immaterial human thoughts is unjustified as human truth is influenced by one’s past events, is sometimes unclear to the subject itself, and can be misconstrued causing the observer to come to an inaccurate or completely false consensus.
Interesting stuff I'd say.
When one observes a solid entity of matter, they can apply their senses to determine the object’s physical properties. However, a challenge arises when a solid object is said to consist of an immaterial entity that cannot be quantitatively measured through rational methods. Such nonphysical characteristics are prevalent to the study of animals, particularly human beings. Therefore, any attempt to find certainty regarding immaterial human thoughts is unjustified as human truth is influenced by one’s past events, is sometimes unclear to the subject itself, and can be misconstrued causing the observer to come to an inaccurate or completely false consensus.
Interesting stuff I'd say.
15 May 2010
Fork in the Road
So my poll closed and it looks like more people want me at U of T.
But I guess I came to realize that seeing where people want me most has nothing to do with my decision.
Truth be told, I'd love to go to U of T. I'd love to live the city life. I'd love to see my father more often than twice a month. I'd love to show people I can.
It's weird how whenever I tell someone I'm likely going to U of T that they raise their eyebrows and lower their jaw. Everyone keeps warning me that it's unnecessarily difficult, there is a high drop-out rate, and it's better to just go there for your masters.
As much as I'm eager to show people that I can face all of this fearlessly and succeed, I don't know if I can realistically compete with a bunch of foreign students who come from an education system that is far more advanced than ours. And as much as someone says you can only focus on yourself, you can't. There's a marking curve. You're in the top 75%, you win. You're in the bottom quarter, you fail. You can't justify any absence of competition.
It sucks because UT was something I was so sure of. But every time I think of rejecting my program at Waterloo, I feel like I'm letting my heart hijack my mind to the point of complete neglect.
It's Honours Science AND Business WITH co-op. Not to mention it accepts only 90 students. This would be perfect. Truth be told, I don't know if I'm more fit for a lab coat or a suit and briefcase. This would give me the opportunity to experience both. Sure the campus isn't the greatest, but I think it just might be the program and friends that I'll see who will make it worth it.
All I know is that the deadline is approaching faster and faster and this will be a really difficult decision. I'm going to do what I want, live with no regrets, and be successful no matter what I do. And that's what matters, whether I go left or right.
But I guess I came to realize that seeing where people want me most has nothing to do with my decision.
Truth be told, I'd love to go to U of T. I'd love to live the city life. I'd love to see my father more often than twice a month. I'd love to show people I can.
It's weird how whenever I tell someone I'm likely going to U of T that they raise their eyebrows and lower their jaw. Everyone keeps warning me that it's unnecessarily difficult, there is a high drop-out rate, and it's better to just go there for your masters.
As much as I'm eager to show people that I can face all of this fearlessly and succeed, I don't know if I can realistically compete with a bunch of foreign students who come from an education system that is far more advanced than ours. And as much as someone says you can only focus on yourself, you can't. There's a marking curve. You're in the top 75%, you win. You're in the bottom quarter, you fail. You can't justify any absence of competition.
It sucks because UT was something I was so sure of. But every time I think of rejecting my program at Waterloo, I feel like I'm letting my heart hijack my mind to the point of complete neglect.
It's Honours Science AND Business WITH co-op. Not to mention it accepts only 90 students. This would be perfect. Truth be told, I don't know if I'm more fit for a lab coat or a suit and briefcase. This would give me the opportunity to experience both. Sure the campus isn't the greatest, but I think it just might be the program and friends that I'll see who will make it worth it.
All I know is that the deadline is approaching faster and faster and this will be a really difficult decision. I'm going to do what I want, live with no regrets, and be successful no matter what I do. And that's what matters, whether I go left or right.
14 May 2010
Lub Dub
Too many times I've been wrongI guess being right takes too long
I'm done waiting, there's nothing left to do
But give all I have to you
I'm done waiting, there's nothing left to do
But give all I have to you
13 May 2010
Pet Peeve #24
Camera shyness. I don't get it.
Especially from this woman.
Such a beautiful girl, but so so self-conscious.
I can't wait till you read this and try to jump me at school.
Ilu.
Especially from this woman.
Such a beautiful girl, but so so self-conscious.
I can't wait till you read this and try to jump me at school.
Ilu.
Bamboozle Roadshow
All Time Low, Boys Like Girls, LMFAO, Good Charlotte, Hanson, Hellogoodbye, Mercy Mercedes and more.
June 16! So stokeddd!
June 16! So stokeddd!
12 May 2010
Fam
As the seconds pass that bring me closer and closer to the end of this chapter of my life, my heart slowly begins to detiriorate. I'm going to miss you guys. +the other dozen of you missing from the picture.
10 May 2010
Year of the Cure
Are we all radicals painting our own linesNot at all practical, wasting our time
Always going, never knowing
We all need to find a dream
We all dream about love
Cause these are the things we know for sure
If we have to scream
At the top of our lungs
To live without love is not what we're for
We'll make it the year that we find the cure
So here we go, heart and soul, ready to burn down
Give us a place to go where we can be found
We're out of time to keep being lied to
Self-Fact #26
I have a soft spot for old woman with accents.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAwOZvvGsRs&feature=fvst (L)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAwOZvvGsRs&feature=fvst (L)
09 May 2010
Mama Who Bore Me
Godmother
Vavo Gabriella
Vavo Maria
MomI owe it all to you for who I am today. Love always, Matthew.
08 May 2010
Undefined
You said it again my heart's in motionEvery word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I'm in love and I'm terrified.
For the first time and the last time
In my only life.
And this could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse than knowing
You're holding back
I could be all that you needed
If you let me try
07 May 2010
It's The Little Things That Cause A Storm Inside of Me
Love this video. The choreography is simple yet artistic.
Pet Peeve #23
People who breathe really heavy.
If someone has a legitimate reason its fine, but if you're just chillin and panting up on my neck, not cool.
If someone has a legitimate reason its fine, but if you're just chillin and panting up on my neck, not cool.
03 May 2010
Weekend Shananigans
Saturday rehearsal was amazing. :)
Hide and go seek around the school, screaming and running around the entire gym in pitch black darkness, getting booked by Parker, seducing each other, Italian card games (which I still don't understand to the slightest), and TARADACTOO GAMEEE. Definitely need to film this for facebook next time. Great day.
The evening was just as splendid. Hit up Alice Fazooli's for some pizza and bruschetta with my Carmel friends Craig & Christine (k alliteration..).
Yeahh for next time: bring a flashlight, feed more birds and watch from a 100 metre radius in dire fear and agony, get some more genderdist jokes ready, go back to Craig's and steal things (no, not his virginity), and defz get that bartender's numba.
Sunday was great too. Basically was the grieving character in Sloppy Joseph's photography CPT. I got to sit on train tracks and convey sorrow. And it was a functioning railway track. So badass, I know. More pics to come, this one was just off my phone.
Hide and go seek around the school, screaming and running around the entire gym in pitch black darkness, getting booked by Parker, seducing each other, Italian card games (which I still don't understand to the slightest), and TARADACTOO GAMEEE. Definitely need to film this for facebook next time. Great day.
The evening was just as splendid. Hit up Alice Fazooli's for some pizza and bruschetta with my Carmel friends Craig & Christine (k alliteration..).
Yeahh for next time: bring a flashlight, feed more birds and watch from a 100 metre radius in dire fear and agony, get some more genderdist jokes ready, go back to Craig's and steal things (no, not his virginity), and defz get that bartender's numba.
Sunday was great too. Basically was the grieving character in Sloppy Joseph's photography CPT. I got to sit on train tracks and convey sorrow. And it was a functioning railway track. So badass, I know. More pics to come, this one was just off my phone.
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