Gimme Em Bright Lights, Long Nights

Obvz have best looking cousins in the world.

Daddy, the girlfriend, and Mike. So glad she's here for good.

Honestly love my family off.
We've watched each other grow and continue to watch each other flourish.
Missed all of you.. and all those deep talks on the beach in the blazing sun, Red Rover & child games on the marina, running around the family farm in the country, to getting dressed up for the Azorean nightlife.
Azorean Shore '09 lives on forever.
I truly have the most loving, best-looking, and free-spirited family ever.
See you all at the millions of weddings to come.
A few more and we won't be ID'ed by tranny waitresses and have to talk up Avo's into giving us cranberry vodka's. ;)
Glow-stick air guitars to Bon Jovi and Cascada forever though. (L)

Reborn

That was easily the best surprise ever.
I didn't see that coming at all.
You'll never understand how something so small could make such a turnaround in everything.
I can't wait for tonight.
Just like the good ol days :)

Shoulders Down, Chin Up

Katarzyna Dolinska (L)

When I Grow Up

I got bored at the library and decided to create multiple maps of my life. When I was done I read them over and laughed.

UW Scibus - Uof T Pharmacy - Open Pharmacy with Dad's girlfriend
UW Scibus - Columbia Law School - Lawyer
UW Scibus - NYU for Science & Journalism - Writer for Men's Health
UW Scibus - UW English & Drama - Teacher's College - Teach in London for a while - English & Drama teacher at STFX
UW Scibus - Western School of Medicine - Surgical Equipment Sales
UW Scibus - Ryerson Theatre & Drama - Live in a box for a while - Make it big?
UW Scibus - U of T Commerce - Open up my own gym in the city
UW Scibus - U of T Chemistry - Chocolatier
UW Scibus - NYU Chemistry - Badass Forensic Scientist - CIA something
UW Scibus - Drop out and live with Dad - Free food - Work corners - Chip n' Dale dancer, use my assets - Make it huge? - Marry rich

Which way will I make it?

Wifey

Take Time To Realize

Can You Turn My Black Roses Red?

I'm Terrified, But I'm Not Leaving

Self-Fact #34

Things have a way of coming back into my life all at the same time.
How the hell am I supposed to make this decision now?

I've Gotta Feeling

This weekend is going to be freakin AMAZING.
Friday res dance & shenanigans.
Saturday family wedding.
Sunday Halloween parties.
So glad I got so much done and all my marks coming in are good.
Things really do get better. :)

Oldies But Goodies

"Born to Blossom, Bloom to Perish"

Dick > Heart > Mind > Matter

What was I thinking?
What did I say?
I got it all backwards,
Can't believe I took it that way.

Adopt Now Please

Confession #1

You're nothing like what I thought you would be after my first impression of you.
You're better.

Stolen

These are beautiful.

Atta Girl

Even Better

A Little More Orwell

"If you're looking for peace, always be prepared for a bit of war"

Head Up

Deja Vu

"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it - Every, every, minute?"

-Emily Webb, Our Town

Back To Start

You'll speak and I'll try to run away.
I'll tell myself I have the self-control.
I'll tell myself I had no regrets, that I did the right thing.
I'll be told by my best friends that I could do better.
I'll try to find what I need in someone else.
I'll take a chance and humiliate myself.
I'll wake up the next morning and realize you're making me desperate to find a reason to move on.
I'll feel dumbfounded and vulnerable.
I'll write an exam, and take satisfaction in the thought of excelling as a way of proving to you that you've made me stronger.
I'll ignore your texts, but read them over whenever I'm alone.
I'll ignore your calls, but hover my finger over the answer button.
I'll become a victim to your sweet talk and dive right back into those dark waters we used to swim in.
I'll take awe in how we brought each other to such a high only for us to collide and fall to our rock bottom lows.
I'll take a step back in time and let you fall right back into my arms.
Back to the way it used to be. Here we go.

I Just Know

Lookbook 3

Dear Michelle Sousa and Joseph Torostantucci,

You mean the world to me.
030311 (L)

Azorean Shore OH YEAH

See yall Saturday.
Drunk Cascada, techno, and Bon Jovi jammin in front of the avo's? I think sooo.

You Have Won

You Can Go Ahead, Tell Them

Second Go

I really regret not going home this weekend.
I miss my mom more than ever.
I hate myself for all those missed thank you's and I love you's.
My aunt called me last night and her voice was kinda shaky. I really need to start calling my grandmother more often.
Ever since the whole divorce thing, she'll hug me with all the frail strength she has left in her, as though she never wants to let me go. Now that she rarely ever sees me, she'll always tear when I hug her.
I pretend like I don't see it, but to know someone loves you to the point of tears is easily one of the most cherishable feelings imaginable.
I don't even know how much longer I'll have her. And being so far away from her terrifies me.
And same goes to my grandfather. He's becoming quite ill. Apparently he was hospitalized the day before thanksgiving. I wouldn't have known if it wasn't for my best friend/grandmother's neighbour who saw the ambulance at 3am. I think they just didn't want me to worry about it.
And the final reason I want to go home I'll keep anonymous.
I miss you but I feel like you were one of my biggest mistakes. You broke me down, but that only allowed me to build myself up to be twice as strong- and for that I can only thank you.
I want to believe all the texts and late night Skype calls. And I'd give up anything for it to go back to the way it used to be. You made me know what it was like to feel alive and in love. I think we can both agree those were some of the best months of our lives. But it was all in a bubble, which was understandable given the circumstances, but if I'm going to be living in my own world with someone else, I can't have them make me feel like I'm on top of the world only to turn around and literally force me to throw away my morals and then take me on a guilt trip for it.
It sucks when you've found something so perfect and it all has to be destoryed with one swift action.
Truth be told, my heart is all for a second go but my head is telling me to stay the fuck away. I mean, I'm getting older and meeting more options. Most I'll cross out instantly, some I'll consider and realize I shouldn't have to second guess myself, and one would probably be the best thing that could happen to me, but I'm being mindfucked with mixed signals and I wouldn't dare risk admitting to it and destroying all ties. But I know as much as I tell myself I'm confusing friendship with that kind of love, I'm feeling those same thing I felt when I was with you, if not more.
At the end of the day, people change and I suppose everyone deserves a second go. But the question is whether or not you've changed on your own or just miss having me as your all-in-one accesory, security blanket, protector, and toy.

Through The Storm

Don't Ever Look Back

My Katy Perry + Russel Brand obsession is getting out of hand.

Self-Fact #33

The most valuable lesson I've learned in life was from a homeless woman.

Do or Die

And now for a school update:
Business, you take way too much time and effort.
Scibus, you're fun but intense.
Bio, I'm tired of working on you really hard and getting nothing in return. And I really didn't luck out with my TA.
Chem, come to bed with me. And the TA = love.(L)
Calculus, ...who dat be?

Tell Them What I Hoped Would Be Impossible

(L)

Everything I Want To Be In Life

Perfection

Time For Miracles

Am I the alone one who finds that when I talk about someone I haven't seen in a while and how I kinda miss them, they suddenly appear back in my life?
It's weird how that happens.
Sign from God? Mere coincidence?
Regardless, I'm glad we talked.

Halloween

I have NO idea what to be. Helpppp!

More Florence (L)

Probably not going to sleep for a week, but this is beautiful.

The Best Things Come To Those Who Wait,

So I'm going to be about an hour late.

To The Core

With some honesty, humility, and an open mind, its amazing how much you can get to know someone.
That was one of the most valuable talks I've had in my life.
I'm flattered that you opened up to me in the way that you did and admired your vulnerability.
That took serious strength and bravery.
I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Definitely no regrets.
I'm here for you unconditionally.
Never laughed, teared, felt my heart race in nervousness, and been ASAULTED all at once in a matter of hours.
Unforgettable. :)

Words of Wisdom

A prayer, if it is a true prayer, requires surrender.

Key To My Heart

Made this list with a friend at like 4am when I was taking a break, all to prove I'm not shallow:

• Scalp scratches +++++
  
• Vulnerability, but a drive to improve ++++
  
• Loud with big groups of people, but laid back when we're alone
• An admiration for the simple things.. walks, random phone calls, getting on trains to nowhere
• Physically healthy & into the gym ++
  
• Good kissers
• Italian food wiz ++
• "Down-to-earth semi-hipster/prep chill downtown coffee shop type" (LMAO)
  
• Face-to-face > phonecalls > texts > FB chat > 0 communication; where x does not exist when x < phonecalls
  
• Appreciation for theatre, museums, & visual arts
• Girls from loud families, Italian/Portuguese/Spanish/Latin ++
• Fellow John Mayer, Coldplay, Buble, Aqualung appreciators
• Random acts of kindness
• Would come backpacking to Amsterdam, Azores, and Rome
• Decisiveness and openness
  
  
  That is all. 0:) Aha picky, but for all the right reasons. Thanks for the convo last night. Really cheered me up from homework rape. You're amazing (L)
  

Hero Heroine

"Life's a bitch. So is love, except she's more discrete about it until you really get to understand her"

-Ma

Mr. Brightside

Pro to having divorced parents #332:

Two Thanksgivings, Two Christmases, Two Birthdays etc.
Omnomnom.

AMEN!

Omnomnom

Eargasm

The Official "Bo, Let's Get Crazy" Theme Beat. ;)

Out of Nowhere

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them,
and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight In the shadow of your heart
I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day,
I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

You Know It's Real

Lookbook #2

Sup Fall

You're a bitch in the morning, but by sunset I'm in love.

When I Grow Up

It's official.
No one sees me being a doctor. Since I was a kid people will usually say a lawyer, teacher, or author (wtf).
I know at the end of the day if I don't own something I'll go nuts, but lately I've really liked the idea of being Editor-in-Chief for some kinda of magazine.. like Men's Health. It involves science of the human body and english which are two of my favourite subjects. I guess I have high hopes, but it'd be great to find an equivalent.
Bahhh who knows what the future brings. At the end of the day, as long as I find happiness and love, I'm all set. :)

Unstoppable

So next week is crunch week.
Business midterm, chemistry midterm, lab report, lab, 20 minute presentation, 15% scibus assignment, scibus quiz, math assignment, chemistry assignment, business rollover, business discussion.
Yeah. Fuck.
But for the past couple of days I really amazed myself.
I realized I can legit sit in a room until 4:30 into the morning and do straight work.
I find I can only work in the Arts library during the day (even better if its raining) and at night at SLC upsturs. I got looooads done so this weekend won't be as bad.
And Im starting to really like my program. I like the meetings, the presentations, learning about science in the news and how it relates to business, and how to essentially start your own business.
Buttt tonight was greatttt. Glad we got to finally talk :)
Hopefully I'll see tons of friends this weekend and fatten my self up with turkey.
Wish me luck next week!

Autonomy

A Bright Note

The best part about rock bottom is that there's only one way to go- up.

Lookbook #1

Sex In A Cup

Dear Rasberry Green Apple Green Tea Bubble Tease,

You're my new crack.

Love, Matt

The Hardest Thing To Do

Isn't spending all weekend catching up on all your classes.
It's not having your dorm room become a guidance counselor's office,
Wondering why the advice you give to others is something you'll never be able to give to yourself.
It's not drinking excessively to drown out your problems.
It can't be losing sleep over the mysteries of tomorrow,
Falling to your knees and praying to God for a brighter dawn.
The hardest thing you'll ever have to do is to lie to a loved one's face against your will.
The feeling when you feel your heart start to race, your hair stand on edge while cold sweat soothes through the pores, and your tears shake on the edge of your eyelids as you hold them back while trying to keep your breath steady. And you have no choice, you make a sacrifice, zip your lips and conceal your heart with a smile... all for the price of someone else's happiness.
Run to someone else? Well that's if your willing to pay the cost of losing all your dignity and risking any ties you have with them. The anticipation of rejection as you'd be forced to stand there, as though you were bare naked, spilling out the story of your life only for it to potentially leak into the minds of others.
I don't love you because I have to, I love you because you're the best reason I have to love. But what am I supposed to do when the light to your day swallows me in your shadow? No fucking shit, I'm right behind you. And I always will be. Even if it kills me. But can't you see that I'm in the dark?
Over the fucking phone too. Like really?
All I have is two. I have shit loads of friends, and I like them all in their own ways. But now that I realize it, I only have two people I can trust at anytime or anyplace about anything. Two who come to me when I'm at my best, but run to me when I'm at my worst. And without you two today I'd probably lose myself. I owe you the world.

Pet Peeve #30

Im too honest when I'm drunk.

Self-Fact #32

I study when I'm pissed at life. And I'm more productive when I'm with Amanda White :)

Into The Fog

And I feel our hands our starting to slip apart.
If this happens right now, I won't be able to contain myself any longer.
I'm planting my foot into its third step and I'm just waiting for one of us to shoot.
This is anything but an accidental friendly fire, its murder.

Postsecret

Yesterday V1 held a session called "Unlearn". All we were told was that it was designed to help us find our commonalities. Kind of intrigued, I went with some friends. I made the right choice.
We learned about an artist who asked people from all over the world to simply send anonymous postcards to him containing their biggest secrets. Afterward, we watched a video showcasing some of the most powerful secrets. At first I thought they just picked the most interesting and threw it all into a video. But after we all wrote our own postsecrets and had our don read them aloud, it became apparent that all of us had some pretty moving secrets after all.
I realized that you can walk into a room of around 40 strangers and figure everyone just comes from an average walk of life. I was completely wrong. Within seconds, the don had trouble reading some of the cards and tears consumed the eyes of some of the people around me.
Yesterday I learned something really important, and that's that you can think all you want about someone by looking at them, but until you dig down.. past the cliche.. past the hobbies, social life, and other easy-to-learn facts that might only skim the surface.. something entirely different can be drowning within one's shell. And until you really get to know someone, you'll never get to fully have an appreciation for who they really are, and vice versa. And this doesn't only go for that stranger you pass on the way to class, but to a cousin, a brother, a mother, a father, or perhaps your own best friend. You might think you know someone. But do you know who they appear and act to be, or who they full-fledgedly down to the core really are?